I think that with signing a contract with a school district, they should provide us with house cleaners... It is just not possible to get everything I want to get done for school done and keep my house presentable (and I don't even mean clean - I just mean not so disgusting that I would actually open the door for the pizza guy instead of waiting outside about 28 minutes after I placed my order so there was no way he'd see my disaster)
side note, my dog thinks she's a cat -- she's mad at me because i haven't spent tons of time with her these last few days (she got spoiled in July because her and I did everything together) - so after her attempts to get me to let her out (and I know she doesn't need out b/c its a different whine) and after she's brought every toy she owns (including every small bit of paper, socks, or water bottles) and set them on my lap... she has now climbed up to the back of the couch and put her head on my shoulder and is watching me as I type... She's a hoot!
anyway back to cleaning... I don't have kids, I just have Javier - and he's not tooo messy... and I can't seem to want to spend the time needed to clean. There are about 12 other things I can think to do when i get home that don't include dusting or starting laundry...
One of those things yesterday was actually reading a very old blog... I was such a weirdo :) and yes I said was -- that scares some of you that didn't know me back then because I was way more odd... but I had some questions at the time - and they have been on my mind all day...
* if you are in hell, and someone makes you mad, where do you tell them to go?
* do vegetarians eat animal crackers?
* if knowledge is power and power corrupts, does that mean that knowledge corrupts?
* since wool shrinks in the wash, how come sheep don't shrink in the rain?
* if a word in the dictionary was misspelled, how would we know?
* do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults seem to enjoy adultery?
* do you know who invented the word bump?
* what about the word assassination?
ha ha -- ok I know I'm dumb...
So while reading old blogs I ran across a few events -which at the time I thought were MAJOR life events -- mostly about different guys (well it really only dealt with 2-3) but being this close to my anniversary with Javier - it just makes me laugh at how I was so certain that I knew what should have been - but at the same time I was skeptical about allowing it to happen... I must have known there was more... **... back to the point - I also forgot how much I used to pray - no one really knew about it, but I did every day... I read all of my posts in order - and I found the one with my last prayer in it - and I think i really did stop praying after 2004/2005 those two years, though, I think i put enough requests in for a life time - I think I prayed wrong... I prayed for things to unchange, I prayed for things that were inevitable, I prayed for love... Of course nothing came of that (however I am not humming Garth's UnAnswered Prayers Song) Life happens, things have to change - you have to let friends move forward so you can go on and meet new ones... you have to let them be who they want (no matter right or wrong) because it is their life... you have to drop your safety net of comfort and find yourself - and so do the people around you... people die - no matter how hard I wished it wasn't a fact, it is... you can't blame the old man that hit her, you can't blame her for pulling the trigger, you can't blame God for cancer... you can't change death no matter the age... its inevitable that you will lose grandparents - they're old, its inevitable that you will lose your last game - there is only one team ever that doesn't... and love... you can not control when you will meet the right one - and its so true what they say - it jumps at you when you don't expect it... I had just let go of false hopes- I had just accepted that life will bring me love when I was ready (and in my mind that was not going to happen for many many years) then there he was...
At one point I remember about 3-4 years ago, I actually stated that I would not be back in Texas until 2011... and that would be when I would start "life" The plan was 2 years in South Dakota w/Teach for America... then 37 months in Africa with the Peace Corps... Then I'd complete dyslexia training and become a diagnostician and an activist for literacy... I actually at one point was ok with never teaching math... I was ok with never coaching... WHAT THE HECK WAS I THINKING!
I'm so happy that I have started life so much earlier - I'm so blessed to have found life when I did...
** side note update, she has now moved from behind me to laying directly across my chest - making it hard for me to type anything... ok moved her :) she's so stinking adorable its awesome!
Javier and I have been quazi looking for a church - which I should tell those who don't know me that well that I have only attended church 2 times in my life... (not including funerals and weddings) it wasn't something my family did... we were at the fields Sunday mornings because no one else was there to get in the way of our practices... I've always believed in God, and my mom taught me that I needed to find my own beliefs and my own relationship with God. If you've known me for a while - you're probably thinking - wow T's lost her mind... but I am finally at the point that I am not mad at Him any more and I can actually look at the last 4 years and smile... so if you know of one - I don't like lots of singing - and I love to hear a good story teller - that might fit us, let me know.
Phelps is up, I am going to take the monkey out one more time and watch the Olympics - I know this is ridiculously long, but it got me out of doing more laundry :) Have a good night and a great day tomorrow!
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