Elisa, Chris, and Javier

So this weekend I went home for a few different events. The first of which was Elisa's memorial run... I haven't been to Marshall in years, in fact, the last Marshall event I went to was her last basketball game - in which I convinced her to go to TLU. I haven't run around the loops since high school - with her. I haven't gone into the small gym and not been next to Elisa... ever almost! I was good most of the morning, I was able to listen to the national anthem, her mom speak, Coach Rivera talk about the scholarship and what kind of person it is intended to go to, I made it past the starting line and I was just fine. Then came the first turn... Suciu was there, and I thank her tremendously for being there for me, and I tried so hard to not think about making that turn always at the end of a hard hard run, and just seeing the end, and hearing her tell me to keep going. I cried... I stopped and was good, until the next turn. The "first turn" I went back... to 8 years ago... summer vacation we met up at school to work out and play some basketball... to go on a run. She had already run a mile and a half, and came to run with me. The first turn around Marshall's small loop is up hill, long and the point where you decide to run the mile or not... that first run, I was ready to quit, she told me to look at the stop sign and make it that far... I did, look at the mail box (and as I was telling Suki the story, each land mark came into sight) make it that far... the stop sign... the track... the field... the stop sign... the final turn--- I have been doing good lately, I don't think of her, buck, grandma, grandpa, Joanie... every day, I smile every day because I know I'm loved and happy with life, but days like Saturday, looking at her mom, telling her all about teaching and coaching...and Javier... made me question life and the way things happen.. She should have just graduated... there are already at least 90 kids that have lost something amazing... and they'll never know it, they wont have the privilege to get to know someone who would have been one hell of a coach... they didn't get that choice... There is a man out there who didn't get to meet his Mrs. Right, because she is gone... There are kids never born because some old man couldn't drive on the road, he had to swerve, he had to keep going, he had to hit her... and there are tons of us that just get to wonder what she'd be doing now... Then it was 10:00 Saturday morning...

So driving home, I think I even said that I had way too much emotional stress so early on a weekend... But more was to come... My aunt moved in with my mom, which meant that her family would be back in our lives... I couldn't be happier - Saturday was my cousin Morgan's daughter's first birthday... I hadn't ever met this one, but the excitement came knowing that the birthday girls big brother would be there... at 2:30! Jan and I got things ready and I went to find tons of stuff for Chris, I missed him so much, I didn't know what he would be like, it had been 2 years... he was 9 now, what if he didn't want hugs and kisses like he used to, what if he forgot bear hugs... what if he forgot me... more emotional stress!!! Around 2:15 we thought about leaving to get a baby pool for JoJo and the kids... so we called Morgan to see where they were, Sea World... we didn't leave because that meant that Chris was only 5 minutes away! It seemed like hours ... but it was only 4 minutes - apparently he was rushing his grandpa driving too:) He got out of the car - he hadn't seen his grandma in weeks (the longest they've ever gone) but still ran straight to me... he was so tall! And he gave me the biggest bear hug ever - he even growled! I cried... again... but just a little bit! We had such an awesome day... My mom was happy, my aunt was happy... most of all Chris and I were both happy... He was so well versed, and smart, and polite... he told me "I still chew with my mouth shut, and I'm trying to get my brother to do it too, but he needs you to teach him" He is still my world! We played with water balloons, pin the tail on the donkey, Frisbee... all sorts of games. I spent a lot of time in the kitchen, filling up water balloons, watching everyone. It hit me kind of hard I think. I am ready for that part of life - I want a family, I can't wait to see our kids running around the yard with Grandpa and Grandma -- my mom would shoot me if she knew I typed that referring to her -- I want to help my baby girl open her first birthday presents... I want to see my 4 year old learn how to throw a Frisbee... I want a family. I know the time isn't right, Javier will ask me to marry him on his own terms, I know I need to be patient and just enjoy this part of life, I know I will miss it one day, but I see so many people starting that part of life, I clinch every time I see a baby... I want that love, I want to lay in bed with Javier and our child... just like mom and dad did with me... I want Chris to be a big uncle -- he's going to be so great at it! The family left at 8, and we all went to sleep... then the phone rang... 11:30

Javier - well it was Aron's number, but Javier was on the other end of the line... honey are you up... no... ok, don't be mad... lol you know nothing good ever comes from this greeting. Especially when it is followed by "you can't call me tomorrow, I'll be home all day, but you can't call me... don't be mad" What happened... long story short - he grilled up his phone, burnt to a crisp! Do we do the 7 buck insurance? nope! so the goofball had to get a new phone today... but I will saw the brisket was amazing! not a $300 brisket, but still good :) I love going home to see my mom and dad, but it is so amazing coming home... to my home... to our home. The weekend was full of emotions, I don't deal with those well, and I love that I can walk in, and Jav and I will lay on the couch in silence knowing that this is where we both belong... I thank God daily that we moved here... I know it is the best thing for us...

I'll leave this extra-ordinarily long post by saying how nice it was to see some old friends, some old family, and some great people this weekend... yay for another great week at work to come!